5 Things I hate about cats

1 - I'm pretty much allergic to them (red itchy eyes, break out in hives, sneeze, etc.) but when I was younger we had a cat named "Puss" (this name is disturbing in and of itself and should be a separate reason why I hate cats due to all the teasing I received as a child.) Anyway, when I was real little I tossed my cat, Puss, off our porch and the thing rolled down a hill and maybe hit a few bushes / trees / boulders along the way, but came back relatively unharmed. It seems Puss was a vengeful kitty cat as she proceeded to find a way into my bedroom every night from that day forward until the day she died and sleep directly on my face. This would result in my spending the first 2 hours of the day looking like a bloody eyed cross between a beet and Rocky Dennis.

2 - they really and truly freak me out with their unpredictability and crazy eyes.

3 - I'm lazy and am just going to refer to the fact that I grew up with a cat named Puss (pronounced like wuss, not fuss FYI).

4 - I lived with a girlfriend once who knew I was allergic but insisted on getting a cat. We went and got one that turned out to be bat-shit crazy. This thing knew I didn't like cats, and would climb to high, strategic locations in our apartment and wait until I walked by and would leap and sink her claws into my back, then hang there as if my back and her paws were made of velcro. \

5 - OK, same cat different story.
I eventually broke up with this girlfriend and, out of guilt, I agreed to let her keep all the furniture AND I would help her find a new place AND help her move. For my part, I would get to keep the air conditioner. Sweet deal. So during one trip she put a bunch of crap in the back of her car including the cat in a cage and the air conditioner. Knowing that the air conditioner was mine, and also being loyal to her momma and yet another vengeful kitty, the cat decided to spray urine all over (and into) it. When I moved into my new place, I put my a/c in my bedroom window, and it being summer, I turned it on before I went out for a few hours, gleefully looking forward to coming home to a frigid bedroom on a scorching summer day. After going out for several beers in my new neighborhood, I came home, anxiously opened my door and jumped into bed. The rancid, sour, cat piss stench that enveloped my room was powerful and unforgiving. Being totally broke, I couldnt afford a new A/C so I cleaned, scrubbed and disenfected that fucking thing for hours, yet for rest of that summer, I slept in comfortably cool, slightly cat piss scented room.

5 things I hate about trees

1 - While it is nice to sit under a tree, it makes you an easy target for perched birds to crap on you and squirrels to drop nuts on you.

2 - Raking leaves.

3 - I don't know if this is still the case, but out of nowhere one day people started referring to pot as "trees." I found this to be incredibly moronic and annoying.

4 - The giant talking trees from lord of the rings. I. HATE. THEM.

5 - A tree killed my very first car. I bought my mother's volkswagen jetta from her when I was a senior in high school. I had it for about 2 months when a hurricane blew through our town, picked up a tree, and landed it right on top of my fucking car. I had just put $1500 worth of work into it too. the tree cut it in half. I guess I should technically hate the hurricane for this, but for the sake of this post - fuck you trees.